Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Friday, August 7, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Muvie Mundays
I had been walking by the posters for Funny People for a hot month, and had not been impressed. It was hot because I saw them everyday in the subway in July. Now, you can say that it has not been a hot summer and global warming(hopefully Ill get more google hits) blah blah blah, but it is suuuriosly effing hot in a suit, underground in NYC in the summer. The poster is super lame and the photo above is actually a manipulated version of one from the subway(train not sandwich shoppe). I saw the movie over the weekend and my own personal comedic ability has been diminished to telling people, "Yeah, I saw Funny People and it was funny", with empahasis on the funny.
I laughed a lot. It rained sunday, then got nice, but nice and humid and I saw it at Cobble Hill Cinemas, which is a good local theatre, but kind of musty. It may have been due to the weather, but also probably the size of the place. We got there with ample time, but still I caugtht a corner seat, not on the aisle row. I heard bass from the movie playing in the adjacent theatre, but still laughed my arse off.
It was basically stand up comedy and one to two liners for the entire film. There was some emotional plot mixed in, but this was a comedy. Sandler played an alternate universe version of his alleged, semi public self, that only deviated from his own life with regards to wife and family. His Happy Gilmore (lauged so hard to vhs veiwing of this), Waterboy, persona was semi present, but only in a self-depricating comedic way. Seth Rogen was good, but awkward, although I know he was supposed to be awkward, he was still awkward. I thought Jason Schwartzman was great and not beacause he was once in a band that licensed the song for the show, The OC.
Lesley Mann was in it(Apatow's whole brewd is too), and made me laugh. I almost forgot that Eric Bana was her husband. You know, the dude who was the Hulk, the unsuccessful remake with Jennifer Connely, only to be barely outdone with the remake starring Ed Norton and Liv Tyler. That of course is besides the point because the move is straight up funny and you should see it.....
Friday, July 31, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Fancy Fast Food
Spicy Chicken Sushi (Fancy Popeyes Chicken) by FancyFastFood
Ingredients:
- 1 two-piece Popeyes Bonafide spicy fried chicken dinner (breast and wing), with a biscuit, a side of cole slaw, and a large Coke (no ice)
- 1 Loaded Chicken Wrap
- 1 large order of red beans and rice
- packets of Popeyes Louisiana hot sauce
- wasabi paste (for garnish)
Friday, July 10, 2009
High-rise Fridge Delivery
Posted at: 2009-07-06 09:51:49 | 124 comments | Add Comment
Original ad:
I bought this GE refrigerator a few years ago, but just got a new one for my kitchen and no longer need it. It still works perfectly and is very large, perfect as your main fridge for a kitchen. I'm asking $300 for it. I am located in Brooklyn, but will be willing to deliver it up to 25 miles for a small fee.
From Mike Partlow to ************@**********.org
Hello,
I am very interested in your fridge. Is it still available? If so, how much would you charge to deliver it to my place in the city?
Mike
From marty ******* to Me
Yes mike it is still available. I will deliver it for an extra $50. where is your place located?
From Mike Partlow to marty *******
I want it delivered to my office on the 67th floor of the ********* Building on **rd st and **********. Now I am pretty sure that the fridge won't fit in the elevator, and if it does, it would exceed the weight capacity, so you will have to carry it up the stairs. I hope this won't be a problem.
When can you deliver it? I work Monday-Friday 9-5 and can be there any time. I do need it sooner rather than later, however.
Mike
From marty ******* to Me
that is absurd. Im not going to heave this very heavy fridge up 67 flights of stairs. Dosent your building have a cargo/utility elevator?
From Mike Partlow to marty *******
Marty, you don't have to lug it up 67 flights of stairs. There is a loading bay around back that starts on the 2nd floor, and I'm pretty sure this building does not count the 13th floor. So you are really only carrying it up 65 flights of stairs. There was a cargo elevator, but building management has told me that I am never allowed to use it again after I attempted to bring my motorcycle up to my office. They don't let just anyone use it anymore, so that isn't an option.
From marty ******* to Me
absolutely not. do you have any idea how heavy this thing is? why do you even need a full size fridge in your office? just buy one of those small mini fridges.
From Mike Partlow to marty *******
Marty,
You are obviously not a very good salesman if you are trying to suggest I buy something else instead of your product. How is that working out for you? Do you make a lot of money that way?
Not that it is any of your business, but I cannot afford rent in my apartment anymore and am slowly trying to move into my office so I can live out of there. I plan on disguising the fridge as a filing cabinet so my company will not get suspicious. If anyone asks you what you are doing when you are moving it into my office, just tell them that you are delivering my new filing cabinet. Try to tuck the power cord under the fridge so they don't realize that it is actually a fridge.
How does next Tuesday work? I am free all day.
Mike
From marty ******* to Me
mike I don't think you understood me. I am NOT delivering the fridge to your office. it's way too big and heavy, and I doubt you will find anyone willing to carry it up to the 67th floor.
From Mike Partlow to marty *******
Marty,
I'm sorry, I must have misread your ad. I could have sworn it said "will be willing to deliver it up to 25 miles for a small fee." Am I crazy, or did your ad say that?
I don't recall it saying "will be willing to deliver it as long as your building isn't too big and scary for my weak little body to carry it."
From marty ******* to Me
Hey listen asshole. You are a Fuckin idiot if you honestly think somebody will do this. It has nothing to do with strength it is just an insane request. the only way you will get a fucking fridge up there is with an elevator. fuck off.
From Mike Partlow to marty *******
Marty, I get what you are saying. It doesn't have anything to do with strength, because even my 120 lb ex-wife could carry this thing up. It is clearly a lack of motivation. You need to be in the right mindset to be able to do this.
Tell you what, I'll stand behind you as you carry it up, and shout encouraging motivational words at you to keep you going. I'll say things like "c'mon Marty, you can do it! You're almost there!" and "don't give up!" I'll even bring a few bottles of Gatorade in case you get thirsty. What flavor do you want? I have frost and orange, but I really don't recommend orange because it doesn't even taste like Gatorade.
So see you Tuesday?
Mike
From marty ******* to Me
shut the fuck up.
Read More at dontevenreply.com
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Movie Monday (on tuesday)
A day late, but not a dollar short as I will be discussing two movies this week. The first is an Oscar nominated flick that goes by Revolutionary Road. I know what you are not thinking, but yes, it is the second film I am reviewing in a row that features Kate Winslet. It is about a couple, Kate and Leo who meet in NYC in the 50's, who are both young and seemingly idealistic with ideas about moving to France and being free. By the way, prior to this, Leo has not really put out good work in a minute and yes, he is good in this film, but not as good as Kate. Remember him in Basketball Diaries and What's Eating Gilbert Grape? He was acting. I take that back, he was good in The Beach and Gangs of New York, but his shite accent in Blood Diamond hurt that hurt movie. I guess he was good in that other Marty Scorsese flick, but his competition was Marky Mark(who I think is a good actor sometimes, say hi to your mother for me) and Alec Baldwin who wins automatically because he is Jack Donaghy. So, Leo does some good and bad like everyone, and no I did not like Titanic, and no, not because I am boatist.
Revolutionary Road follows a couple out to suburban Connecticut (holler) and their trials and tribulations of giving up city life for a family life. Even if you don't live in a city, I am sure you can relate to this movie on some level, whether you have extra-marital affairs with secretaries (I know it is administrative assistants, but I am keeping it time period specific) or neighbors, or you despise your significant other because you both created a life neither of you really want. I have already said too much, just know this movie does the whole past to present thing the whole time. Not saying that is a bad thing, but you should be aware.
The second movie I watched was The Night of the White Pants with Tom Wilkenson, Nick Stahl, and Selma Blair. I am going to post no imdb hyperlinks or write about it because there is no reason to watch it unless you have Showtime On Demand and have already watched every movie it has to offer.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Smooth
911 call for concert escort
| Contributor: WPTV staff Email: webteam@wptv.com Last Update: 6/30 4:21 pm |
(NBC)
Reported by: Jessica Clark
NBC
A 20-year-old man in Jacksonville, Florida, has been arrested for misusing 911.
Deputies say Michael Kruse of Jacksonville initially called 911 because he felt sick on June 21st.
The call went into the 911 call center in St. Johns County.
Kruse's speech was slurred and the dispatcher had difficulty understanding him.
Dispatch: "Are you sure you haven't taken something sir? Because you're not making a whole lot of sense."
Caller: "I've been smoking marijuana."
Dispatch: "You've been smoking marijuana?"
Caller: "Yes."
Dispatch: "Do you want a deputy to come and take you to jail?"
Caller: "Why?"
Dispatch: "You just told me on a taped line you just got done smoking marijuana."
Caller: "Awww. Are you serious?"
Sgt. Chuck Mulligan, spokesman with the St. Johns County Sheriff's
Office, said deputies located Kruse, took him to a family member, and gave him a stern lecture about 911.
Hours later on June 22nd, Kruse called 911 again. This time he was driving on I-95. He told the dispatcher he wanted a police escort to see the rapper, Lil Wayne, in concert in Miami.
Dispatch: "You want a police escort to take you to Miami?"
Caller: "Or, you have a helicopter?"
Dispatch: "We don't just send helicopters up for rappers."
Caller: "Well, I'm driving there right now. I just wanted the fastest way to get there. I didn't want to get pulled over on the highway."
The dispatcher had Kruse pull off the interstate at the State Road 207 exit. There, deputies met Kruse and arrested him for misuse of 911Cannot Wait
Of course I can wait because it does not come out until summer's end, but the original OB4CL is still in itunes rotation and was one of the defining rap discs of my youth. I can remember bumping this in discmans connected to car stereos and especially when Rae raps, "peace Connecticut" in Incarcerated Scarfaces. You heard that right, say something.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Movie Monday #2
Do you like reading? You must, to some extent, because you are reading right now if you did not realize. This rambling is due to my viewing of The Reader this past week. Most of the time when I read, it is to myself and before bed. When the young version of Ralph Fiennes reads aloud in the movie, he gets laid by Kate Winslet. Take note that it is not Ralph Fiennes, but his younger self, who is in middle or high school, I am not sure because it was Germany and I was tired. So tired that I feel asleep half way through this movie, but I am pretty sure it was going to get good.
Almost as good as the leftover spaghetti frittata that I had for dinner this evening. Andrea pulled it from an Italian cookbook, one with pages, and the internet is proving to be too much effort to find a proper recipe, but this one looks decent.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
Movie Monday
I figure if some of the posts become theme posts, then there could be some structure. So, I introduce Movie Monday....I write this while eating an ice cream sandwich with Predator 2 on the boob tube. Danny Glover as lieutenant Harrigan, kicking ass in a super baggy suit and packing what looks to be a modified Desert Eagle. This movie was made in 1990, but is supposed to take place in 1997. I love not so distant future movies. That is besides the point, when was the last time you had an o.g. ice cream sandwich? Cannot remember, can you? Well, they are delicious and you are jealous. Thanks Andy. Back to the theme.
I watched two movies last week. Gran Torino and Friday the 13th. They both were On Demand and there is no rhyme or reason to the type of movies I watch and therefore write about. This new Monday theme will not be relegated to new releases, sometimes they might be though, because a couple weeks ago I saw Drag Me to Hell and it was awesome, you should see it if you like that kind of flick......Back to Gran Torino, I like Clint Eastwood. Dude is cool, always has been. Now he is grandpa cool, but also a bitter racist. I read things like his character was supposed to be on the Dirty Harry tip, and I can see that, but this dude's character name is Walt Kowalski and he is a widowed war veteran. I only thought of Walt Disney while typing this, and prior to that thought the name Walt in the movie to be badass. He drinks PBR, smokes even though he is sick and calls his young neighbor a pussy for not talking to a girl he likes.
I mentioned he is a racist right? I don't want to say anymore except watch the movie and decide for yourself if you think the racism in the movie is funny because it aligns with your values or that because it is so over the top and you feel like since you are not racist then it is making a point. Or its not. Regardless, good flick and not slow and boring like I thought it was going to be for some reason.
Friday the 13th.
Bunch of actors from or could have been from the WB. The usual formula of teens(played by people in their mid to late twenties), alcohol, a couple boobies and death by machete. No suspense, not scurry at all. Not anything like this final fight scene between Danny Glover and the Predator where Glover uses the Predator's own flying disc/saw weapon to win the battle.
Friday, June 19, 2009
14,000 Texts
NEW YORK – The nation's newest texting champion has a message for parents across the land — although they might not want to hear it.
"Let your kid text during dinner! Let your kid text during school! It pays off," 15-year-old Kate Moore said Tuesday after winning the LG U.S. National Texting Championship.
After all, she said: "Your kid could win money and publicity and a phone."
For the Des Moines, Iowa, teenager, her 14,000 texts-per-month habit reaped its own rewards, landing her the competition prize of $50,000 just eight months after she got her first cell phone.
Moore, with a speedy and accurate performance, beat out 20 other finalists from around the country over two days of challenges such as texting blindfolded and texting while maneuvering through a moving obstacle course.
In the final showdown, she outtexted 14-year-old Morgan Dynda, of Savannah, Ga. Both girls had to text three lengthy phrases without making any mistakes on the required abbreviations, capitalization or punctuation. Moore squeaked through by a few seconds on the tiebreaking text, getting the best two out of three. As she anxiously waited for confirmation of her win, tears streamed down her face.
The teen dismisses the idea that she focuses too much on virtual communications, saying that while she has sometimes had her phone taken away from her in school, she keeps good grades, performs in school plays and socializes with friends — in person — on the weekends.
In between, she finds time to send about 400 to 470 texts a day. Among her uses of the text messages? Studying for exams with friends, which she says is better done by text because she can look back at the messages to review.
The finalists, all 22 or younger, were among 250,000 people who tried to get spots in the competition. Some won their spots at the Manhattan finals by being the fastest people to text responses to televised ads.
It's the third year for the texting competition, sponsored by LG Electronics Inc.'s mobile-phones division. But it's the first time that it was held at a flashy sound stage with an illuminated platform and surrounded by TV cameras. LG, based in Seoul, South Korea, is considering using the footage in a televised special of some kind.
Twenty-year-old Jackie Boyd, who came in fifth in the competition, said she usually prefers text messages to phone calls because they get through faster and they're more private — leaving her unworried about other people listening in.
"You can get more of what you really truly want to say" across with texting, said the Syracuse University psychology major. "Especially if it's an argument, you don't have to worry about saying the wrong thing.
"And if you don't want to respond, you can always say, 'Oh, I didn't get your text.'"
via Yahoo
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Dangerously Low On Axe Body Spray
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Long Island Wants to Secede | ||||
| ||||
I like starting the day out laughing.
Thanks steve
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
True Story
This is an email I sent some people a while back. I just found it while weeding out gmail.
On a side note, I would like to share a story with all of you regarding last evening at my hotel. I was in Johnstown New York, which apparently used to be a big industrial area with the most millionaires per capita (at least thats what a local broker said), but now, like most American cities with an industrial past is now, desolate depressed, and generally crusty. I was staying at the Holiday Inn, the only other choice would have been the motel 8, you get the gist.
The Hotel is old style, with the doors for the rooms facing outside, aka, no hallways. I was staying at the far end of the hotel, which means to get to the lobby/bar, I had to walk a decent distance outside. At the bar, I had one drink and asked for a spoon so that I could go back to my room and eat some chicken noodle soup that Andrea had made. I told the bartender to keep my tab open, "room 330", I said.
I get back to my room, start eating my soup and the phone rings. It was a man asking if I was coming back to the bar. Thinking it was someone from the hotel, I said just keep the tab open and I would be down in a bit. Five minutes later, the phone rings again, same voice, which is a dude, which is weird, because the bartender was a girl. The voice was more insistent about when I was coming back to the bar, and then asked if I needed company. I yelled, 'who the fuck is this', and they hung up.
At this point, I am shook because clearly someone from the bar knows my room number, and the only people at the bar were some swedes in the corner, and local grizzly bears. I had to close my tab and wanted another beer, so I clenched the spoon, ready for battle. I get to the bar, and no patrons are there. I tell the bartender about the calls and she said it could have only been 2 people, one dude sitting to the left of me, who was a yocal, not staying at the hotel and a dude to the right of me, who was.
At the front desk, I tell the employee about the calls. He said that he just got on duty, but had already forwarded a call to my room and that the girl that just off duty told him there were a bunch of calls, too. Apparently the calls were coming from an outside line as the person did not have my name, just room number. The dude at the front desk said he would not transfer the calls through and it was probably a practical joke. I told him it did not appear to be a practical joke, but he kinda brushed it off. Normally, I would not care how dismissive the front desk dude was, but now I am paranoid and thinking there is a conspiracy with Deliverance undertones.
I got a butter knife from the bartender and started to walk back to my room. While making the trek, a car's lights turn on in the parking lot across the street and someone starts honking the horn. I hustle to my room, lock that shit, and sure enough the light is blinking on my phone, indicating a message. Probably should have just deleted it, but I listened and it was the same dude talking in a creepy voice about guy on guy action. Am I being over dramatic as I put a floor lamp by the door and a coffee pot(with the intentions of breaking and stabbing if necessary) on the nightstand? Alas, I got into bed, had a shtty sleep with no other disturbances and was psyched to be there only one night.
This Is How I Apologize
I know the blog has been hurrrrttting, and I have made the statement about coming back before, but I am, I swear. I also know that I have posted keyboard cat before, but this clip is amazing. It is five minutes and you are a fool not to watch all of it.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Just Change My Mediocre Face
It seems as though I post too many SNL clips, but they are the song related ones and I like them. Since my youth, I have always liked parody music and if I had some time in the studio could probably produce some classic(6 months in parody music) material. I also used to make mixtapes with my friends using play and pause techniques as well as possibly one of the first karoake machines(one pictured similar but not actual).
I do not know how far they got, but if anyone has a copy of Giraffes Have Long Necks, please let me know....
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
May Mix
Fell a little behind on the mixes, but here is a new one. Clocks in a little under 30 minutes. Recorded live on two turntables.
Tracklist:
Wale ft. Lady Gaga - Chillin
Q-Tip - Won't Trade(Hedspin Edit)
Melanie Fiona ft. Busta Rhymes & Raekwon - Give It To Me Right(rmx)
Amanda Blank - Might Like You Better
Evil Woman - Mike Posner & The Brain Trust
Rod - Shake It Up(DJ Apt One edit)
The Private - My Secret Lover(Lifelike rmx)
Chelley - Took the Night
DJ Class ft. Kanye West & Estelle - I'm the Ish(rmx)
Calvin Harris - I'm Not Alone(Herve's See You At the Festival Mix)
Michael Cleis - La Mezcla
Download or Stream for promotional purposes------>Here
BBQ Branding Iron
As my mood gets better with each hour of sun and the thought of being outside grilling and chilling becomes omnipresent, I think of ways to increase the awesomeness. Which brought me to this:
It is an interchangeable branding iron. I am sure that you can think of better things to brand than, "GRILLED BY DAVID", because I can. Quick search finds this as being the cheapest.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Wu-Tang
There is very little rap better than early Wu-Tang. This dude made new artwork for the album covers based on Blue Note album artwork.
ps
OB4CL2 is in stores on August 11th
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Battle At the Berrics 2
I used to skate pretty hard (over ten years ago), but still like to keep up on the sport. Besides X-games, The Berrics is working hard to bring great skating to the internet. It is a website, but also Eric Koston and Steve Berra's skatepark. Right now they are holding a vote for Battle At the Berrics 2, which is a tournament for the game of SKATE(skate is to skateboarding as horse is to basketball).
Here is a clip of the semi-finals from last time around:
Capitol Words
Here is a website that allows you to type in a word to see how much it has been used in Congress. It shows a graph of the usage as well as which lawmaker has used the word the most. For example, John Kerry has used 'Chris' 46 times over the past 2 years. I am sure that you can think of more creative words to type in to see...I don't know, who may be the biggest racist.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Getting Back On My Grind
I know the blog has been struggling lately, but I was moving and just got the internet today. Yes, the lining of my swimming trunks. Posts and mixes to follow. In unrleated news, this is one of the first google images for struggling:
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
The Hipster Grifter
The Hipster Grifter
By Doree Shafrir
April 15, 2009 | 7:00 a.m.
It’s likely that when Kari Ferrell walked into the Vice magazine offices in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, last month to interview for an administrative assistant job, they thought they’d hit the jackpot. Ms. Ferrell—petite, 22 years old, of Korean heritage—had a huge tattoo of a dragon across her chest and a cute pixie haircut. She was talkative, funny, charming, adorable. She had a tattoo on her back that read “I Love Beards.” She told them she’d been working for the New York office of the concert promotion company GoldenVoice, which puts on huge rock festivals like Coachella near Palm Springs, Calif., and that she’d moved to New York from Utah just a few months earlier. They hired her on the spot.
A few days later, one of Ms. Ferrell’s new colleagues came by her desk. “I said, ‘Excuse me, miss, is [her boss] downstairs?’” the 29-year-old told The Observer. “She thought that was very polite that I said, ‘Excuse me, miss,’ and after that she started talking to me, instant-messaging me. She asked if I was from the South. I told her no. It escalated from there.”
Within the space of a half-hour, Ms. Ferrell was peppering him with questions about his sexual history—how many women he’d slept with and so on. “She was coming on to me, and I was super into it for the first part of it,” he said. “I realized I could have fun after work—but then I was like, ‘Let me check this girl out.’” He googled her. Up popped a photo of his flirtatious new co-worker on the Salt Lake City Police Department’s Most Wanted list, wanted on five different warrants, including passing $60,000 in bad checks, forgery and retail theft.
Read the whole article HERE
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
I'm Just Here to Chat
Do you remember AOL dial-up? And chat-rooms? And you and your friends sitting around a computer talking ish to people, pretty much being an e-bully or maybe asking for stats from alleged females? I do, which is why this new site, omegle is kind of interesting in its simplicity. You are randomly connected to one other person(stranger) and chat with them.
I chatted with someone in Iceland who had gone to the bank/political protests in Reykjavik and was amazed with my knowledge on their economy and president. Truth be told, I read just one article in Vanity Fair about it, good article though. This person sent me a youtube link:
I am not going to lie, I have known about this site for a bit, and was hesitant to chat with a stranger, but I learned something kinda new in 3 minutes. I mean, I figured I had to give it a whirl if I was going to blog about it, although I do not see myself signing on again(unless there is a couple drinks and friends telling me what to write). And of course there are the drawbacks of pedophiles and weirdos, but the Internet is a weird place, give it a try.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Friday, April 3, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Adventures in Craigslisting
guest contributer...
So, knowing we have to get someone in our apartment in 1 week, we posted a regular Craigslist ad to have someone move in asap. We thought we were in clear at the end of last week with James. He wanted it. He was gonna sign. Then we got an e-mail yesterday that was the start of Andrea's Craigslist wrath. It said:
|
Chris, Andrea,
Thanks for all the communication with respect to your studio. I've been running the numbers on my end, and unfortunately, I don't think I can swing paying double rent for that much of April. I realize that you lost the weekend to have your place on the market, and I'm sorry we didn't have all the details until today. I hope you're able to understand my situation.
Your place is great, and I am sure you'll have another renter by the end of the week. Thanks again for showing it to me, and I am confident that this will work out for everyone involved.
Best,
James
On Mon, Mar 30, 2009 at 3:54 PM, Chris> wrote:
| Invite James L. F**K YOU to chat |
So, are you saying you can’t do April 16 either?
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||
Just want to make sure you don’t go to the leasing office tomorrow and screw us over even more than you already have.
**********
Crap. So, there you have it. I was cc:ed on these e-mails, but counting the seconds until she wrote something nasty back. We have a few days to move and no one to take the apartment. We are getting anxious. Andrea, a bit crazy. When she gets crazy she starts exploring any and every option. I am scared she is going to start posting signs to telephone poles, but that would even be better than her doing what she did next. She goes to work today, telling me she is so busy and cannot deal with this. Unknown to me, she posts our apartment under Sublets for the hostel price of $65/day. $65/day for the West Village?!?! I get a call around 1 p.m. from Kathy:
Kathy: Hi, I am a watercolor painter from Ontario. Can I rent your apt. from April 11-16?
Me: ?
Kathy: Don't worry, my paintings are already done, so I won't be painting there. I am just here to sell them at a convention.
Me: ?
Me: Where did you get the idea I am renting the apartment for $65 day?
************
WTF? I call Andrea at work, yell at her for posting our apartment per day as if I will give them turn-down service and change the linens, and giving my cell phone number as the contact. I fielded about 20 phone calls in 30 minutes, rightly so at that price. And for $65/day? In the West Village? In NYC? While the crazy Craigslist poster was selling our apartment as a hotel, she was also multi-tasking and, while supposedly working, harassing people for furniture on Craigslist. This is the next e-mail she forwards me:
From: jean t
Sent: Tuesday, March 31, 2009 10:02 PM
To: Andrea
Subject: RE: farm table - $900
Sorry for the delay in replying. I was away on an emergency.
I have already lowered the price. It is thick solid wood and in fantastic condition.
I bought it for a lot more. You wont regret the quality.
I would love to see this table go to someone who will love it.
I am moving and cant take it with me.
Let me know if you are interested.
Thanks
Jean
Date: Wed, 1 Apr 2009 13:04:13 -0400
From: Andrea
Subject: RE: farm table - $900
To: jean
CC: chrit
Hi Jean,
I think this is it. I will pay $300 and take it tonight. It is a beautiful table, but only 50”.
Thanks, Andrea
From: jean t
Sent: Wednesday, April 01, 2009 3:17 PM
To: Andrea
Subject: RE: farm table - $900
Hi Andrea
I really cant sell it to you for that low a price.
It is really top quality antique wood with a lot of character.
The wood is from Europe.
I have kept it in pristine condition. The photos dont do the table justice.
It is a lot more gorgeous when you see it in person.
It can seat 4-6 ppl. It really is a fantastic deal at $900. If you go to a store to buy something
similar, you are looking to pay a few grand for this.
Anyway let me know if you change your mind.
_______________
Hi Jean,
I thought you were trying to get rid of it quickly, and I cannot spend as much as $900 for a used table. It looks pretty, and I understand growing attached to your favorite furniture. I recently sold my couch, it was from Sweden, and I had to sell for less than what I thought it was worth. I really don’t think you are going to get that price from Craigslist, which is typically a forum for people trying to get rid of stuff. If it’s that valuable, take it to an antique dealer.
Regardless, I am very interested in the table at a lower price. I will come and pick up asap. I live in the west village so its not that far. You are right, it is a gorgeous table.
Please let me know what you think.
Thanks so much!
Andrea
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So, we are screwed at this point. No one to take the apt, and Andrea is at work taking her frustration for life out on furniture dealers on Craigslist, comparing her IKEA couch to an antique European table. She comes home, we laugh the rest of the night at the other e-mails we get. Our apartment is listed as a rental, sublet, whatever you want...furniture included, we don't care. I have offered moving people, painting for them, ANY COLOR YOU WANT. I am 5 seconds away from soliciting my girlfriend for frip overs. We need to get out of here NOW.
Nine out of 10 people calling are trying to get out of a situation with an ex-loved one.
I get a call around 9 pm tonight from a man who is on his way to meet his girlfriend at Sushi on Hudson, and is currently living with his wife on the Upper West Side. He wants to see the apartment after his date. I ask him when he wants to move? Yesterday. Understood.
It makes me sad. This city is brimming with separations and divorces right now. The economy is bad and whoever thought the idea of riding the tidal wave of misery together is very mistaken. Most would rather live happily in peace, alone, than in hell with no money with someone else. Seeing myself as a poor schlub through her eyes -- the same eyes that used to adore me -- would just push the knife of inadequacy even deeper into my ego. Like a dog, I would rather go off to the woods alone to die than in front of those who once thought I was incredible.
The NYC economy is driving people apart. Our dreams of wealth, vacations, dinners and shows, plentiful lives and climbing high are shattered, with no respite in site. We all are affected and would rather re-evaluate our dreams alone because our dreams together did not work out. Time to find a new dream, a new life, a new apartment. Time to find our real dreams and selves, instead of a monied, inflated life of goods and distractions of activities with other affluent friends. When all that is gone, only your core remains and if you have not loved your significant other from that core and as only a complement to your privileged life, you need to go alone and find yourself again, and build from that place. When you love someone for who they are now, and not who they are inside or once were, when that person and wealth is gone they are nothing but a stranger. That vulnerable stranger may not be what you signed up for. If it is not, PLEASE SUBLET MY APARTMENT. CONTACT ME!
So, not all of our prospective renters lives are so bleak. Some are cute and super silly. Take Katie (OBV).
---- Forwarded Message ----
From: katie
To: hous-5jrgk-1102378805@
Sent: Wednesday, April 1, 2009 8:54:07 PM
Subject: sublet
Hi,
I'm very interested in your sublet - is it still available? I'm 27, female, work in finance, have a small white well-behaved dog who has a walker...I'm very easy going, clean and love to cook! I'll be away every weekend in the summer also. Please let me know, I'm looking to move ASAP!!!
Thanks,
Katie
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A white dog?!?! Thank God you have a white dog because a dog of any other color would not be kosher. There is a black dauchsand across the hall...racial tension? Forget the ginger cat down the hall. And she also is a cook! And clean! This is like a response for white supremist casual encounters on Craigslist, not for someone to take over a lease.
Maybe we will be in our Boerum Hill apartment in a week, or maybe not. What I do know is that I have the business cards of about a dozen models and fashionistas all trying to recapture the allure of a early 2000's Carrie Bradshaw. And some guys who are trying to recapture that girl and that lifestyle. Finance = money+honeys? That era is over, and I am not sure if the City today has the same glamorous glitz it did then, but if you wanna eat Magnolia Bakery cupcakes, live on Carrie's street and shop at all three Marc Jacobs stores, please contact me. I will paint and move you in, too.
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